You had just the one job, waitress

If I had to make a list of what I consider the easiest jobs on earth, buffet waiter would have to be close to the top. What could be easier?

For a waiter at a restaurant, the job is a marathon of nightmares. They have to make sure everyone has enough napkins, plenty of salt, clean silverware and a perfectly pink steak. If not, they enjoy being screamed at by customers.

A waiter at a buffet restaurant has to fill up drinks. The customer does literally everything else.

At a recent visit to Lin’s Buffet, my waitress had some trouble with the advanced science of refillogism.

As I plowed through my sesame chicken, sweet and sour chicken, teriyaki chicken, lemon chicken, and general Tso’s chicken, my mouth dried into a freakish King Tut pout.


I would glance at my glass, horrified, as the level of Dr Pepper drained throughout my meal. I knew that if I did not get a refill soon, my barren wasteland of a mouth would be denied irrigation.

Before I knew it, I had finished all of my General Tso’s chicken, and my tongue burned and cracked. I looked hopefully at my cup. Nothing was in it but ice, coldly mocking my pain.

Panic set in. I pleaded to any god who would listen to my cries. My girlfriend told me to stop whining. I told her to stop whining. I didn’t mean to burn her like that, but I was in agony.

After an eternity of renouncing the day I was born, I opened my eyes. There stood my waitress. She looked at my glass, and asked, “More Dr. Pepper?”

I left, knowing I would never get revenge on that woman. Why? Because when I paid my bill at the entrance, I had to tip her before I ever met her. I tipped well, since I imagined she would be great.

Lin’s Buffet isn’t bad. It’s the same stuff you can get at any Mongolian chicken nugget factory. It has a nice atmosphere, but they forgot to replace their waiters with a self-serve soda fountain.

Lin’s Buffet is located at 6220 SW 3rd St. in Oklahoma City.

Rating: C

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