For the sake of all things good and holy, I will refrain from providing the true names of those I have encountered in this story. Let me introduce myself, my name is Taylor. I mean, it’s not actually my birth name but for the sake of keeping my job, you guys will know me as such.

Like most students, I am working my way through college currently holding two jobs. One I tolerate and the other I actually enjoy. Of course, the job I am forced to tolerate is a retail job in a clothing store. The company I work for is higher-end. They pride themselves on outstanding client satisfaction. If only the pay was satisfactory as well…

We get a very wide range of shoppers. Imagine what it would be like if the television show “Gossip Girls” and the movie “Dumb and Dumber” merged. There you would find the people that inhabit my store.

Through the years, I have learned that there are three types of shoppers.

The first type are the backstabbers. These people blatantly ignore your efforts to interact with them until you finally give up. Then as they are checking out and the cashier asks if anyone was helping them, they stab you in the back and say that no one gave them the time of day. Hello! Was it not I who greeted you at the door? Was it a ghost that magically carried your clothes to the fitting room for you to try on? Did I not repeat the store promotions over and over again to you because you couldn’t muster up the mind space to remember them? Unfortunately, more people fall into this category than any other.

The second type of shopper are the egocentric ones. These people latch onto whoever is standing by and looks like they work at the store. It doesn’t matter if this one lady is taking up the time of 3 sales associates, she will drain each and every one of them until exhaustion sets in.

Then, you begin hallucinating about the brief moment of peace before this self-centered creature strode through the doors. See, the thing is the more exhausted you become, the more energized she gets! It’s as if this lady takes pleasure in suffocating innocent sales associates!

Not only does the egocentric shopper hardly ever buy anything, but if she suspects you might be helping other customers, she launches into this spill about how everywhere she goes people think they can make money off doing nothing. Then she approaches the second client you were helping like a predator toward its prey. She encourages and manipulates the client into intimidation and discomfort until they flee the premise! Then, once again, you are hers. Believe me, I have witnessed this tactic of war shopping many times.

She always wins.

Lastly, is the poor ignorant shopper. The unfortunate souls that fall into this category stand out as soon as they walk into the store. Take for instance the run-in I had with one of these shoppers the other day.

I was minding my own business folding an entire stack of pants when she walked in. I proceeded to inform her of the promotions we were having that day then turned around to finish folding my pants, indicating that the conversation had ended. Not even 5 minutes later I feel a tap on my shoulder. I turn around to find the same lady standing behind me with a pair of pants in her hand.

How dare I assume she had a question about the fit of our pants. She looked me straight in the eye and proceeded to ask if I worked here. I kid you not. She seriously asked me that! No ma’am I am a stranger, same as you, completely refolding a random stack of clothes just for the hell of it!

I also randomly happen to know what sort of promotions the store is running and thought I would let you know while I stand here working for free! You poor, poor human.

I personally find it hard to believe that the women that make up this clientele are actually that clueless. Either that or they just don’t care. There was yet another lady I had an interaction with not long ago. Once again I had stationed myself in front of a stack of pants attempting to get them all folded before someone came along and ruined them. I was halfway done folding a huge stack of pants when a hand suddenly appeared and snatched a pair of pants out from under the entire stack.

Devastated that my freshly folded pile of pants had partially been destroyed I looked up to find a lady staring at the pants like they were a foreign object. I scooped the remaining stack of pants that were not yet harmed by her thieving paws into my arms and proceeded to wait until this lady finished admiring the pants. Then, to my disbelief she asks me how much the
pants are!

Here I am holding a pile of pants up to my chin to salvage them from the destruction of her hands! She thinks I know off the top of my head how much each item in the store costs!

Has she never been shopping before? Does she not know that in most stores, the items have a price tag on them? All she has to do is flip the tag over to see the price! One might think that the egocentric client would be the worst client. However, because of their inability to put context clues together, the ignorant shopper is by far the worst client to deal with.

Not only do these clients often forget that sales associates are human, but they also fail to make the simplest connections. For instance, just maybe if you would be nice to us, then we wouldn’t mind helping you out! After all, when someone stops what they are doing to greet you letting you know what’s happening in the store, they are making it their mission to make your
shopping experience as seamless as possible.