A film critic talked about recently seeing “2001: A Space Odyssey” in an actual theater. He got to see the 1968 sci-fi masterpiece on the big screen, just like the astonished audiences did when it first came out.

My mouth watered for that experience. I immediately looked online for local theaters that showed old movies.

Sure enough, I found that the Harkins Theatre in Bricktown has been constantly showing old movies right under my nose. They are called “Tuesday Night Classics” because they are classic movies that play on Tuesdays after the sun goes down. The meaning is hidden in the name.

I looked through their list of upcoming showings, and most of them weren’t anything that interested me. Then I saw Sergio Leone’s 1966 film “The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly.” It’s a juggernaut of a Western that I’d somehow made it my whole life without seeing. What a service it would be to myself to see this movie how it was intended.

Then I noticed that a week before “The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly,” “Austin Powers” was playing. I practically memorized that movie as a kid. Such fond memories were had. I decided to see “Powers” first to test the waters for “Ugly” which would surely change my life.

Fast forward to the next Tuesday, and I was racing to the theater with my girlfriend to “Austin Powers.” “We’re going to be late! How long will the line be?” I panicked and floored the gas pedal.

When we got there, not only was there no line, but we were the only ones in the theater. I was confused, especially since it was dead silent. There were no trailers or dumb trivia questions.

Thirty minutes later, a blue screen flared up. The word “Play” appeared. And the film started. It was a DVD of “Austin Powers.” No trailers. No surround sound. They didn’t even show the studio logos that play right before the movie.

I paid $5 to watch a DVD on a big screen like I was in middle school with a substitute teacher. The Mr. Pibb was good though.

My only consolation is, I just ruined “Austin Powers.”

As for “Ugly,” I’m still looking for a haven where I can watch it in the way it deserves.

Rating: F