Even used Old Spice is delightful

October 21, 2014 Review Print Print
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You know what they say; “One man’s old Old Spice is another man’s new Old Spice.”

Okay, nobody says that, but they might after this review of the soap I found in the shower at the gym. That’s right — free soap. Booyah!

I’d just realized that I’d forgotten to bring my soap (again). I was eyeballing that janky, old hand soap dispenser, so far away from the showers. I’d made it work before. I’m not proud.

The locker room was empty but the gym was crowded. I didn’t want anyone to walk in on me; lathering up next to the sink or trying to transport soap in cupped hands back to the shower.

Then I spotted in one of the showers, the red, plastic bottle that’s become synonymous with the Old Spice brand in our generation.

I approached it slowly, looking around for the stranger who might realize his mistake and come barging back in.

I too have lost new body washes in this manner, forgetting them after first use, and leaving suds and dollars swirling down the drain.

I plucked the bottle from its pedestal and felt its weight in my hand; almost full. I opened it and inhaled its aroma deeply, trying to detect any sign of it being booby trapped.

I turned it over and splurted the electric blue goo into one hand, hoping not to discover I’d allowed myself to be the victim of some cruel and possibly disgusting joke.

I looked at the stuff a long time. It didn’t look natural by any means, but it looked like Old Spice bodywash is supposed to, so I went for it.

I lathered it all up. every last part of me, shamelessly. Soon, I was clean.

I could have left it there for the next guy. Or its worrisome owner might’ve come looking for it later. I didn’t care though. I stuffed that bottle of sweet-smelling goodness in my bag.

A couple days later I noticed that my regular man soap had run out at home. I dug my prize from my gym bag and lathered triumphantly once more. That’s when my wife walked in. Sensing the unfamiliar scent, she raised some question to which I proudly replied, “I found it at the gym.”

Women, for some reason, have a different perspective on free, found soaps. I was ordered on the spot to throw this treasure out. The differences that day were just barely reconcilable, and for that I rate the soap I found at the gym a much deserved B+

Rating: B+

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