Everything has a place in the natural order, from the wolves that eat the chickens to the maggots that eat the dead wolves. In the circle of life, everything has some sort of use or purpose.

The exception is the show, “The Doctors.”

If you’ve never heard of it, it’s because you have a job. “The Doctors” is a daytime talk show where real doctors plug “superfoods” and try to make people scared of catching insanely rare diseases, like penguin flu or wombat AIDS.

It’s not the show’s fault that it’s ridiculous. They’ve literally had to do thousands of episodes. There are only about 12 diseases known to man, so they’ve naturally had to make a lot of stuff up.

If you haven’t seen this show, do. It’s hilarious.

When the show’s doctors are about to discuss a new scary disease, they play a video synopsis of the illness. It’s voiced over by a man trying his hardest to sound as sinister as Satan. He’ll say something like, “Could broccoli cause a tree to grow in your colon?”

Then the doctors talk about colon trees for a few minutes, play a few wacky medical games where they sift through chocolate “feces” with a fork to find the cancer, and finally they have someone on stage for an interview.

This is my favorite part of the show.

Sometimes it’s someone with a weird disease that makes his or her tongue blue, and sometimes, when they can’t find someone with a disease, they just get someone with a mental illness.

I kid you not, there was an episode with a woman who was addicted to staring at crotches.

I love this show just as much as I hate it. On one hand, these doctors are making their viewers stupid and paranoid, but on the other hand, who is watching this?

Even with all their faults, these doctors aren’t nearly as bad as Dr. Oz. Unlike him, I truly believe that they’re too stupid to know that they’re lying to people.

Rating: F