Once in a lifetime, a bowling alley comes along that functions as a bowling alley. That bowling alley is AMF Boulevard Lanes located at 3501 S Boulevard in Edmond.

One can wear orange shoes, sit on a slippery plastic seat and watch their fattest friend beat them at a sport.

I like to think of bowling as the sport that everyone can play except yourself.

The good news about AMF is that when one is scrabbling against their girlfriend in the ninth frame for second-to-last place, a waitress brings some yummy alcohol.

Bowling just got bearable, kids. AMF Boulevard Lanes has a bar. There are two strategies that one can take when it comes to the bar: one is to get so hammered that one cheers when they roll a gutter ball, thinking it is a touchdown.

The other strategy is to casually slip cosmopolitans to “Fatty” until his spin ball bounces into the concession stand.

Sure, this is the best day of his life. But he needs to remember his place in the world. Let’s not forget the big screen above the lane that holds the scores.

If someone rolls a strike, an animation appears of a cute little character climbing a mountain or flying. Explosions and fireworks accentuate “Fatty”’s triumph.

Of course, if one rolls a gutter ball, an equally dramatic animation occurs, blasting that failure across the screen in case the sense of manhood has still held on by a thread.

I speak for males because if you’re a woman, nobody cares if you’re bad at bowling.

Perhaps one day, women will be ridiculed as equally as men, but we still have a long way to go.

Aside from my problems with the actual sport, AMF Boulevard Lanes is not a bad place.

It is clean. Even the bathrooms are nice.

The place is as stylish as a bowling alley can be, which is not very, but hey — it’s a bowling alley.

The only odd thing about AMF is the music they play.

The second I stood up to take my first roll, Alicia Keys began to sing, “This girl is on fiiiiiiiiiire”.

The worst part — that was when I made my only strike of the night.

Rating: B+